Anxiety

I have suffered from anxiety since I was a little kid. The first time I got overly anxious was in kindergarden - I puked right before our class left for a field trip.

It isn't clinical or anything, but it's there. And while I've tamed it a bit, there are still triggers - feeling helpless, physical pain, adults arguing, tension (whether it's obvious or imagined by me)...

It's the first day of October tomorrow. And you know what that means? Hockey season starts Midterm mania starts. Our first midterm is next Thursday, and it's for a class I feel like I know NOTHING about, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to learn everything for then (yeah, yeah, I probably should be studying for it instead of writing this but I can't). And on top of that I have a tutorial assignment to prepare for which, again, I don't know how to approach; and then there are all the other classes that I have to keep up with AND I have a sprained ankle and I can't go anywhere on my own and - gosh, thinking about this is making my head feel like it's being squished into a small helmet.

Okay, so enough thinking about it. Breathe. That's one way I deal with my anxiety. A trick I learned from the handy folks on Tumblr - inhale, but then exhale for longer than you inhaled (I forget the exact times).

I deal with my anxiety in several other ways, and they kind of depend on the situation I'm in. One thing I tell myself is that I'm not actually nervous, and that the situation isn't terrible - it's a challenge, and it's exciting. When faced with a threatening situation, our bodies kick into fight or flight mode - we start sweating, our hearts beat faster, our extremities get cold (at least mine do anyway) from redirection of blood from our limbs to our internal organs... anyway. A lot of people, myself included, tend to associate these physiologic reactions with nervousness and anxiety, but I've started trying to re-associate them with excitement instead; and for some reason, this settles my anxiety a little.

I don't know if anyone else does this, but another psychological thing I do is think of something that will calm me down and make me feel less sick (which I often feel when I get anxious) - for me, this 'something' is water. Back in elementary school when my anxiety problem was more of an issue than it is today, I used to walk to school in the morning and visualize clean oceans, pristine streams, tap water, and drinking water (yes, going to school was enough of a trigger to induce anxiety for me!). I still resort to this sometimes.

And lastly, there's music, which I currently have blasting through my headphones into my ears to keep me from breaking down. I have a playlist of songs that are - for some unknown reason - very comforting to me (musicology experts, wanna jump in? I think it has something to do with key and chord progression). But for extreme situations (or when I'm not on Spotify), my go-to comfort song is Fireproof by One Direction. My play count has reset since I transported my iTunes to my new computer, but last I checked, it had been played close to a thousand times. Belting out a few tunes is also very therapeutic...

Oh yeah, and then there's sleeping it off, which is sometimes hard when you have a million thoughts buzzing around in your head. But you have to tell yourself that your health is more important than anything else, and getting a good night's rest is important for your health. That usually works for me, anyway.

How do you deal with anxiety or being nervous/stressed?

Epuris: Four (months)

Yes, that was a One Direction reference. Hey, how did no one see that Zayn was going to leave the group? Look at him! That clearly says "Nope, I'm outta here!"

Kinda looks like Harry knew it was coming too.

Anyway.

I went to see my dermatologist last week - I had just started on the last blister pack of my fourth round - and she gave me some good news: I'm done! Each course of treatment is around 12-16 months, now that I'm researching it a bit, so if I knew that, I wouldn't have been so pleasantly surprised.

However, I'm still going to do another four weeks because I had a tiny break-out a couple of weeks ago (a zit on each cheek, nothing too horrendous); so hopefully, this will be the final wave of sebacceous gland extermination that I need to go through for a long time.

My symptoms have not changed or worsened too much. My back/trunk pain is still there. It's the worst in the morning - never in my entire life have I had so much trouble physically getting out of bed. It improves throughout the day as I start moving around and going about my day. The worst pain is at my hips - when I get up after sitting for a while, it feels like the upper half of my body is tearing away from the lower half. Gruesome, I know, but that's the only way to describe it! My dermatologist hasn't ever said anything about it though - just to take some Tylenol or Aspirin if it gets bad (and for the record, it hasn't, so phew!).

My lips are still chapped af. I don't know if this was updated, but I switched over my lip balm since I wrote out the list of items I've been using to Nivea's Soothing Care lip balm. 

If you're not a fan of the smell of menthol, this isn't for you, because that's what it smells like! Menthol isn't an ingredient in it, but it does contain something (obviously, based on what it's called) to soothe your lips, which is great for when your lips get painfully chapped (and mine have definitely been at that point!). It also has SPF 15 so you can also avoid having your lips get sunburnt and subsequently, more chapped. 

I don't know if I mentioned this last time, but my eyes have also been affected by Epuris. They, like my lips, are also dry af, and I also find that I'm more light-sensitive than usual (the evidence is in how I was barely able to keep my eyes open during my walks to the bus stop in the morning before work; my eyes also teared up pretty badly so I always looked like I had been crying once I got on the bus, eyeliner smudged and mascara running and all). One of the perks of working at an optometrist's office - free samples! I've tried both the Refresh Optive Advance and the Systane Ultra drops. I prefer the Refresh, but both are great lubricating drops to keep your eyes hydrated.

My nose has also be very, very dry as well; and being allergic to nearly everything in the air doesn't help either (my allergies also contribute to my dry eyes), so I've been having nosebleeds and blowing out bloody snot all day err'day (again, sorry for being descriptive). For that, I just put a little bit of Vaseline inside my nostrils with a Q-tip at night. And it probably doesn't need to be said that I load up on allergy meds as well...

As for my skin itself, it hasn't been too dry. My only problem areas really have been the skin around the corners of my lips. I attribute that to my use of hydrocortisone cream once in a while for when the corners of my lips are cracked.

Otherwise, it's looking pretty good! I haven't worn concealer and/or foundation for a while now because there's not a lot to cover up anymore! I'll go forth with the fifth round of meds, and hopefully, the acne chapter of my life will finally finish! And then I can move on to the scars...

Stay cool!

Back to school survival tips

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" No, Staples. No, it's not.

Okay, maybe for some people - like me! - because while there are reasons to not like going back to school, there are plenty of reasons to be happy about going back to school. For me, the main two reasons for looking forward to school are a) getting back into a structured schedule and b) getting to life on my own - peace and quiet!

I've gone back to school a couple of times now, so while I won't say I'm the best at being a well-balanced student, I think I have a few pieces of advice in terms of dealing with getting back to the grind and dealing with the school year in general:

One of the biggest problems I always faced at the start of a new school year was getting into it mentally. It usually took me a very, very long time to shift from summer vacation mode into study mode; and while this was okay for high school (yes kids, high school isn't going to matter after all is said and done), it definitely made me fall behind a little during university (I was able to pull it together in the middle of semesters). My strategy with dealing with this is to just... ease myself into it. This may be a bit difficult to do if your schoolwork load does not allow for 'easing into' right off the bat, but I would let the workload pile up a little for the first week while I sorted out a homework/reading schedule; and this also helped put a little pressure on me to force me into focusing on my schoolwork.

Doesn't sound like a good strategy when I spell it out for you like that... but the bottom line is to do whatever works for you and your studies.

One of the biggest problems I always faced during the school year is not being social enough. In high school, it was easier to make friends because classes were smaller and you had time to talk to your peers during class as well as during lunch or before/after school; and I was also in my school's concert and jazz band, and that essentially gave me a group of people to bond with. But in university, classes got huge, and there were just so many people; and one thing I learned the hard way was that having friends and forging friendships needed work. I wasn't quite used to this because in high school, the friendships I had kinda just happened, so I quite literally did not know how to walk up to someone, introduce myself and have a conversation (I'm quite terrible at this in general) and essentially build a relationship. Aaaand I also never went out (for several reasons).

This time around, as I start school again, I'm going to try to put myself out there a bit more. What I didn't realize before, and what I'll try to keep in mind as orientation week starts is that almost no one is going to know each other, so everyone is on an even playing field (i.e. no cliques!). This also means that everyone is pretty open to getting to know other people, so take the chance and say hi and tell them your name. If you're not a good conversationalist, hope that the other person is don't pressure yourself. My strategy is just to listen and respond accordingly rather than trying to come up with complex things to say. I usually end up blubbering or losing all ability to form coherent sentences because I get so nervous... I like to tell others that it's alright to be nervous, but I know for myself, this is something I have to work on - especially since I'll be working with people for the rest of my life! I'll let you know when I come up with something.

Oh! And don't forget to say hi again, i.e. don't just meet the person once and ignore them for the rest of the year! This is something I always did because I didn't know if the other person would remember me. And I mean, sometimes, people will forget and in that case, you could remind them; but the real people you want to hang out with are the people who'll remember you (but beware of the creepy stalkerish individuals who could remember you for other reasons...).

My last tip: sleep always comes first. In all my years of being in school, I have pulled off only two all-nighters. And they might not even count as all-nighters by other people's standards - I stayed up 'til 4:30 a.m. both times - and both times were to write essays (one of them was the dreaded 4000-word essay for IB... anyone feel me here?). But when it came to cramming the night before for a morning exam, I studied until I could not keep my eyes open - usually around 2:30 a.m., went to bed for around three hours, and woke up early the next morning to finish my studying (or, study as much as I could). And... I did pretty well. The point is, your brain can't work half-dead, so staying up all night is not worth it. I mean, by all means, if this works for you, sure, keep doing it! But I know for myself, I need sleep (which is ironic, because I don't like mid-day naps UNLESS I'm in a car).

So this was longer than intended... hopefully it was helpful and/or insightful. If it wasn't, my blog doesn't come with a time-back guarantee, so ha ha.

To all my fellow students in school, or going to school soon, gl;hf!