So...

Greetings, creepy blog readers! I've just come up to the surface of the ocean of lectures and labs and diagrams and equations that I am trying not to drown in to say hi and acknowledge how badly I have failed my November blog challenge. November was not a good month to choose to tackle a daily blog challenge... No biggie. I'm done my exams mid-December, so I'll pick up from where I left off there (and hopefully I won't be too distracted by the holiday season to forget!).

I also mentioned that I would keep up with my "regular" blog posts... and I have also failed that too. But consider this one, as I am obviously not writing in response to a challenge prompt.

SO, here's what I've been up to for the past little while!

1. Studying.
2. Interpreting terrible lecture slides and diagrams.
3. Studying more.
4. Occasional singing breaks (i.e. playing around with Acapella).
5. Swearing as much as a sailor at stupid lectures.
6. Complaining to friends.
7. Spending time with friends.
8. Sleeping.

It's been rough. And it's gonna be this way for the next couple of weeks - we have exams scheduled approximately every other day. I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into. I just didn't expect to be so unprepared.

New year's resolution: follow a study schedule so you don't have to cram over 1000 slides of info over two and a half weeks. 

Sigh. Anyhow, time to return to the depths. 

P.S. It isn't Monday, but here are a few tunes I've been digging lately and have been on repeat (individually, or as part of a playlist) while I study.

The Feeling - Justin Bieber ft. Halsey

Weird video. Other than that, the Biebs has thrown out some good tunes lately. I like Halsey's parts in this (the echoes and harmonies) and the chorus just tears me apart and gets me very, very emotional.

What a Feeling - One Direction

Excuse the fan video. There's something about this song that's similar to Fireproof, and I can't put my finger on it, but that was the first thing I thought of after listening to the first five seconds of it. And then it was on repeat for the rest of the night week.

High Enough To Carry You Over - CHVRCHES

I actually first listened to this song yesterday when I decided to listen to the entire album last night. It kinda caught me by surprise because when the vocals started, I thought the album had finished and gone on to the next song in queue! Martin did a good job with this. It's catchy and the kind of electro-pop that I like to seat-groove to while studying.

Reforget - Lauv

A friend and I had been exchanging music suggestions one night, and the next evening, this one popped up in my Facebook messages as a Youtube video embedded in a website which would replay the video forever. I repeated it seven or eight times before I had to go to sleep; and then added to my Spotify playlist and repeated it more there (does anyone else listen to just one song on repeat for hours or is it just me?) Anyway. It's a sad, pretty song.

Alright. If you don't hear from me in three weeks, the exams got me.

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 12 and 13

Day 12: Write about five blessings in your life.
Good timing! I hear US thanksgiving is pretty soon, so this works out well.

1. A safe place. With all that is going around in the world right now, I can't imagine living less comfortably that I am now. I have a roof over my head, my own bed, my own room!, heat, clean water, and safety & security. I am so, so thankful for all of this.
2. Relatively good health. I say relatively because I am not completely health currently but I'm thankful that I am able to wake up relatively energetic everyday, and be independent, and do and experience so many things. And part of why I wanted to be a medical professional was so that I would be able to help others be healthy so that they are able to function normally.
3. My siblings. Yeah, they're a pain and I'm sure I've been a pain to them quite a lot; but we are a team for life. And we aren't the most cooperative team - that is for sure, but we know how to have fun wherever we go, and we have each other's backs when times get tough.
4. Education. Though I complain about school a lot, and it's basically been more than half of my life so far, I would probably be a very different person if it wasn't for all the schooling I've had thus far. The education I've received has not only stuffed my brain with a lot of information but it has taught me so many things that I've come to realize not everyone knows about. It has also made me more open-minded than an uneducated person would be.
5. Friends. I generally have a very hard time making friends because I'm a terribly shy person. And because I don't talk to anyone, I probably come off as a bit of a cold-hearted bitch (yeah right, I wish I was that badass) an unapproachable, socially-awkward dork. I went through undergrad pretty much alone, with my few friends in different programs and seeing them a couple of times a week; and I told myself, and continue to tell myself that I'm okay with being alone. On good days, I am. But there are times when I'm glad that I've been blessed with having good people around me who want me around.

Day 13: What are you excited about?
I'll make this one short: currently, I'm not too excited about final exams, but I am really looking forward to the winter holidays!

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day... what? (11)

Needless to say, I've fallen behind. And I'm not too sure if I'll be able to catch up, but I'll do my best. I'm thinking about writing two or three a day to catch up, but that will depend on whether I'm inspired or not.

And today, I'm not, so here's Day 11: Something you always think "what if" about.

For a long time, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasn't ever ambitious. I haven't ever set any long-term goals for myself, besides "finish high school" and "finish university".

Most of what I've done in my life has been for my parents. They've been through a lot with coming to Canada as refugees and having to build their lives from nothing. And with what they had, they invested a lot it in me - time, effort, money, whatever resources they had, all to set me on a path that they wanted set me on which was and is undeniably be successful and rich.

And, yes, I really appreciate everything they've given to me that they weren't able to give as much to my younger siblings - extra attention personal attention to things like homework; more extracurriculars like piano lessons, Chinese classes, summer camps, and Kumon (side note: one of the few things that Kumon made me really good at was Mad Minutes. I was a friggin' beast at those); and almost all the toys I wanted (I was a spoiled brat). It's kinda amazing. But at the same time, it was all to keep me on this path they wanted me on.

When it came to deciding what to do after high school, my initial sights were set on going into music. Yup, a pretty different field from what I'm in now. My initial plan since grade 10 was to get a Bachelors of Music Education, go to teacher's college, and be a high school music teacher. My parents said no. We got into an argument about it sometime when I was in grade 12 - they said it wouldn't be a good career, that I wouldn't be making a lot of money, that I wouldn't be able to live a good life; I said it was the only thing I wanted to do - and truthfully, it was. It was devastating because the plan I had set for myself was essentially demolished and I was left back at square one, a couple of months before having to submit university applications.

In our argument, "WHY DON'T YOU BECOME A DOCTOR" slipped out. And so I chose science. Fast forward to the day after writing my last exam of undergrad, and I was literally lying on the floor, sobbing because I was back in the same hole. I didn't want to go to med school. I didn't know what the next step was. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Because all my life I had been following some checklist my parents made up for me.

At the moment, I don't regret going the route I did. I have great friends. I'm a decent person. I've enjoyed learning what I have learned. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to do and be part of great things. I'm going to help people. And I'll be able to have a great life (assuming everything works out).

It just makes me angry to know that I'm not doing this entirely for myself.

And so, I can't help but think - what if I had defied my parents? Would I be a lot happier? What would my life be like now if I chose to follow my own path? Where would I be?