So...

Greetings, creepy blog readers! I've just come up to the surface of the ocean of lectures and labs and diagrams and equations that I am trying not to drown in to say hi and acknowledge how badly I have failed my November blog challenge. November was not a good month to choose to tackle a daily blog challenge... No biggie. I'm done my exams mid-December, so I'll pick up from where I left off there (and hopefully I won't be too distracted by the holiday season to forget!).

I also mentioned that I would keep up with my "regular" blog posts... and I have also failed that too. But consider this one, as I am obviously not writing in response to a challenge prompt.

SO, here's what I've been up to for the past little while!

1. Studying.
2. Interpreting terrible lecture slides and diagrams.
3. Studying more.
4. Occasional singing breaks (i.e. playing around with Acapella).
5. Swearing as much as a sailor at stupid lectures.
6. Complaining to friends.
7. Spending time with friends.
8. Sleeping.

It's been rough. And it's gonna be this way for the next couple of weeks - we have exams scheduled approximately every other day. I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into. I just didn't expect to be so unprepared.

New year's resolution: follow a study schedule so you don't have to cram over 1000 slides of info over two and a half weeks. 

Sigh. Anyhow, time to return to the depths. 

P.S. It isn't Monday, but here are a few tunes I've been digging lately and have been on repeat (individually, or as part of a playlist) while I study.

The Feeling - Justin Bieber ft. Halsey

Weird video. Other than that, the Biebs has thrown out some good tunes lately. I like Halsey's parts in this (the echoes and harmonies) and the chorus just tears me apart and gets me very, very emotional.

What a Feeling - One Direction

Excuse the fan video. There's something about this song that's similar to Fireproof, and I can't put my finger on it, but that was the first thing I thought of after listening to the first five seconds of it. And then it was on repeat for the rest of the night week.

High Enough To Carry You Over - CHVRCHES

I actually first listened to this song yesterday when I decided to listen to the entire album last night. It kinda caught me by surprise because when the vocals started, I thought the album had finished and gone on to the next song in queue! Martin did a good job with this. It's catchy and the kind of electro-pop that I like to seat-groove to while studying.

Reforget - Lauv

A friend and I had been exchanging music suggestions one night, and the next evening, this one popped up in my Facebook messages as a Youtube video embedded in a website which would replay the video forever. I repeated it seven or eight times before I had to go to sleep; and then added to my Spotify playlist and repeated it more there (does anyone else listen to just one song on repeat for hours or is it just me?) Anyway. It's a sad, pretty song.

Alright. If you don't hear from me in three weeks, the exams got me.

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 12 and 13

Day 12: Write about five blessings in your life.
Good timing! I hear US thanksgiving is pretty soon, so this works out well.

1. A safe place. With all that is going around in the world right now, I can't imagine living less comfortably that I am now. I have a roof over my head, my own bed, my own room!, heat, clean water, and safety & security. I am so, so thankful for all of this.
2. Relatively good health. I say relatively because I am not completely health currently but I'm thankful that I am able to wake up relatively energetic everyday, and be independent, and do and experience so many things. And part of why I wanted to be a medical professional was so that I would be able to help others be healthy so that they are able to function normally.
3. My siblings. Yeah, they're a pain and I'm sure I've been a pain to them quite a lot; but we are a team for life. And we aren't the most cooperative team - that is for sure, but we know how to have fun wherever we go, and we have each other's backs when times get tough.
4. Education. Though I complain about school a lot, and it's basically been more than half of my life so far, I would probably be a very different person if it wasn't for all the schooling I've had thus far. The education I've received has not only stuffed my brain with a lot of information but it has taught me so many things that I've come to realize not everyone knows about. It has also made me more open-minded than an uneducated person would be.
5. Friends. I generally have a very hard time making friends because I'm a terribly shy person. And because I don't talk to anyone, I probably come off as a bit of a cold-hearted bitch (yeah right, I wish I was that badass) an unapproachable, socially-awkward dork. I went through undergrad pretty much alone, with my few friends in different programs and seeing them a couple of times a week; and I told myself, and continue to tell myself that I'm okay with being alone. On good days, I am. But there are times when I'm glad that I've been blessed with having good people around me who want me around.

Day 13: What are you excited about?
I'll make this one short: currently, I'm not too excited about final exams, but I am really looking forward to the winter holidays!

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day... what? (11)

Needless to say, I've fallen behind. And I'm not too sure if I'll be able to catch up, but I'll do my best. I'm thinking about writing two or three a day to catch up, but that will depend on whether I'm inspired or not.

And today, I'm not, so here's Day 11: Something you always think "what if" about.

For a long time, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasn't ever ambitious. I haven't ever set any long-term goals for myself, besides "finish high school" and "finish university".

Most of what I've done in my life has been for my parents. They've been through a lot with coming to Canada as refugees and having to build their lives from nothing. And with what they had, they invested a lot it in me - time, effort, money, whatever resources they had, all to set me on a path that they wanted set me on which was and is undeniably be successful and rich.

And, yes, I really appreciate everything they've given to me that they weren't able to give as much to my younger siblings - extra attention personal attention to things like homework; more extracurriculars like piano lessons, Chinese classes, summer camps, and Kumon (side note: one of the few things that Kumon made me really good at was Mad Minutes. I was a friggin' beast at those); and almost all the toys I wanted (I was a spoiled brat). It's kinda amazing. But at the same time, it was all to keep me on this path they wanted me on.

When it came to deciding what to do after high school, my initial sights were set on going into music. Yup, a pretty different field from what I'm in now. My initial plan since grade 10 was to get a Bachelors of Music Education, go to teacher's college, and be a high school music teacher. My parents said no. We got into an argument about it sometime when I was in grade 12 - they said it wouldn't be a good career, that I wouldn't be making a lot of money, that I wouldn't be able to live a good life; I said it was the only thing I wanted to do - and truthfully, it was. It was devastating because the plan I had set for myself was essentially demolished and I was left back at square one, a couple of months before having to submit university applications.

In our argument, "WHY DON'T YOU BECOME A DOCTOR" slipped out. And so I chose science. Fast forward to the day after writing my last exam of undergrad, and I was literally lying on the floor, sobbing because I was back in the same hole. I didn't want to go to med school. I didn't know what the next step was. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Because all my life I had been following some checklist my parents made up for me.

At the moment, I don't regret going the route I did. I have great friends. I'm a decent person. I've enjoyed learning what I have learned. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to do and be part of great things. I'm going to help people. And I'll be able to have a great life (assuming everything works out).

It just makes me angry to know that I'm not doing this entirely for myself.

And so, I can't help but think - what if I had defied my parents? Would I be a lot happier? What would my life be like now if I chose to follow my own path? Where would I be?

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 10

Day 10: Write about something for which you feel strongly.

If you know me in real life, I am generally a very mellow person; I don't get riled up too easily. And quite honestly, I don't feel too strongly about anything at this current stage of my life, though there are a few topics for which I'll be like, "hey, that's not right" or "YES, I AM SO ON BOARD WITH THAT!". Those include:

• global warming: yes, global warming is real. Or, come back to me after that category 7 hurricane rips through your house after you rebuilt it last year after it got torn through by a category 7 hurricane.
• de-funding science: don't. de-fund. science. Unless you want to live this way forever until our non-renewable resources run out, or everyone you know is dying from some viral infection for which the cure could have been found decades earlier, or Earth gets hit by an asteroid that wipes out all humans and could have been detected before if you didn't de-fund science.
• same-sex marriage: why. Why would you deny someone from marrying someone they love when it doesn't have anything to do with you?
• gender equality: I've grown up with my mom telling me that "men will always have an advantage over women." Not for all of my lifetime, mom. 
• music and arts in schools: kids need these programs. Not just to stay off the streets or keep kids in school, but it gives students an alternative means of expression, a new hobby, or a really unique skill that may not be so handy to them in the working world; but it also teaches them valuable skills and traits like discipline, teamwork or independence (depending on which art form), creativity, and time management.

I guess I just really need to find something I'm more passionate about and really keep up to date with it, but there are just so many topics and issues that I try to stay sensitive to, that it's overwhelming to keep up with all of them!

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 9

Day 9: Post some words of wisdom that speak to you.

Tonight was our white coat ceremony! And if I knew this was today's prompt, I would have listened more carefully to all of the speakers because much wisdom was imparted on us tonight... Oh well.

As silly as it is, the words I've been living by most recently are "You live only once", which is the grammatically correct way of saying YOLO. I know, it's silly. But for a lot of my life, I've been missing out on opportunities, experiences, and memories because I always said no, or thought that another chance would come around. I missed out on opportunities to grow, to meet new people, to have fun for the heck of it.

Now this doesn't mean I'm going out and hopping on every opportunity train that comes my way. I'm still keeping sensible throughout this whole new journey of optometry school because honestly, there are some experiences that I don't need or want. But where there are opportunities to learn, make connections, and live well, I'll be up for it.

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 8

Day 8: Share something you struggle with.

I hate being shy.

I wish I could be outgoing, and sociable, and so effortlessly comfortable with being around and interacting with other people. But, hey, what's one more item to add to my list of things I'm mediocre at?

How do people do it?

How do you do it?
Yes, this is making the assumption that you, reader, are not a shy person yourself.

How are you so easily able to be in a room of people you don't know, and not feel unsure or insecure?
How are you able to write off fleeting moments of eye contact with strangers or not-so-strangers as purely coincidental rather than judgmental?
How are you able to so boldly take a risk, start a conversation, or ask someone out?
How do you slow your heart from pounding, your cheeks from burning, your palms from sweating as you're about to ask a ("shit this is going to sound stupid") question, or while you're having a casual conversation ("damn it shouldn't have said that what should I say next") with someone new or someone important?

I'm not doing as badly as I used to. These past few months, I've come out of my proverbial shell (that all my high school friends have tried to break) a bit more than before. I'm not as insecure about myself as I used to. And I've definitely met a lot more people. But...

There are still some days where I wish I could feel as comfortable as I am alone in my room, outside where everyone else is.

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 7

Day 10: List 10 songs that you are loving right now.

Yes, it's late. But don't hate; appreciate!... Whatever, no one reads this stuff anyway.

I've been using Spotify for a while now, and my three-month premium for 99 cents subscription will expire in three days. If you're interested in what tunes are ringing through my headphones, you can find me here. And if you do hit up my profile and scroll through, you'll notice that I have a (non-exhaustive) current favourites playlist, which I will condense to 10 songs for this entry:

1. Perfect - One Direction
2. Carry On - Coeur de Pirate
3. Bang Bang - Lawrence Taylor
4. Powerful - Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding, Tarrus
5. Verge - Owl City ft. Aloe Blacc
6. On My Mind - Ellie Goulding
7. What Do You Mean - Justin Bieber
8. Let It Go - James Bay
9. Jet Black Heart - 5 Seconds of Summer
10. Fire N Gold - Bea Miller

But I'll have to be honest, I'm not really enjoying any of these too much (except Perfect. That is my shower song)... i.e. it just feels like there isn't a whole lot of new music out there that's really good. Not hating on the artists or the music industry or anything. It's just me and my fastidious taste.

I will report back in T minus twenty-something hours to hopefully get day 11 in on time. 

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 6

Day 6: Five ways to win your heart.

Before I start, I guess I should acknowledge that the time at the moment is 12:17 a.m. on November 7th... so that's one strike for me on this blog challenge. Womp womp. Fridays commuting home are always hectic. Coming home and being at home is hectic. Realistically, all I come home for are 1) my dogs, 2) my piano, and, tied for 3rd) my siblings and my room. Otherwise, I could live away from home forever.

Anyhow, this is going to be a fun one. It's also going to take a long time to write considering that no one has won my heart before, and now I essentially have to lay out the five reasons why I am so terribly difficult.

 Leggo! How to win my heart:

1. best two out of three in a game of rock paper scissors.
Okay, no but really.

1. Be okay with me being quiet (most of the time). I am terrible to have a conversation with - partly due to my shyness, partly due to how uniformed I am on most topics of conversation, and partly due to my mental incapability of forming coherent sentences 95% of the time. And I generally just like listening to other people talk. But people who are okay with me being quiet or notice me despite me being quiet are the ones I tend to stick around. I would follow you like a puppy.
2. Have a good sense of humour. I usually laugh at everything, so it might not seem hard to win my heart, but it's the really clever, kinda dark, smart, sarcastic, mildly aggressively satirical, and punny material that I deeply appreciate. It also doesn't hurt if you understand my (sometimes twisted) humour.
3. If you're talented - and I don't mean "I can burp the ABCs" or some gross or useless talent but really skillfully talented, I'd be down. If you're musically and athletically talented, yo, I'd be so down.
4. Someone who is both mature (hard-working, responsible, mellow) and immature (ex. someone who knows how to get down and let loose on the dance floor) because I am ultimately looking for someone who will be fun to be around whom I won't have to babysit, if you know what I'm sayin'. And also because I also act this way...
5. Kindness. Nothing melts my heart more than seeing someone do something thoughtful or nice for someone else, or when I'm on the receiving end of a random act of kindness. Seeing someone help and old granny walk across the street? Ugh, done.

Aaaand this list is absolutely not exhaustive! I don't know, people win my heart over with the most littlest things, but these are probably the most significant out of all of them. Oh, and one more:

via GIPHY

1:27 a.m. Time for sleep. Peace!

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 5

Day 5: List five places you want to visit.

Midterms are officially over!

via GIPHY

 Only... three more examination periods to go before summer break!...

via GIPHY

Ahhh, well. It's never too early to start planning out trips!

You know those moments when you hear about your colleagues' lives and feel like you're way behind? Yeah, that happens to me often, especially when I hear about my friends, or friends' friends getting engaged. But also when I hear about where other people have traveled to (or, when I see someone post a picture of them petting a tiger). Of course, each person's life is his or her's to live at their own pace, so no one should feel ashamed for not doing things that other people have done. I just can't help but feel a bit envious whenever I hear of my friends' adventures.

This being said, I have a mental list of places I want to visit sometime in my life. Five, really general places off the top of my head are:

1. Greece - and all the museums and historical landmarks! Especially because I've been interested in Greek mythology and ancient Greece ever since reading the entire mythology index at the back of an encyclopedias back in grade 4 (don't be too impressed; it was only like... 30 pages? It was a small section).
2. Italy - also for its historical landmarks. And the beautiful architecture and buildings.
3. All the other provinces and territories of Canada! I want to see and experience most, if not everything my country has to offer.
4. China and Vietnam - where my parents and grandparents and ancestors are from. 
5. Every Disneyland Park there is in the world. I'm talking the one in Cali, Hong Kong, Paris... anywhere else? I've been to the one in Orlando way back when I was 11, but it wasn't too fun of an experience (my family was a pack of noobs, and we didn't know where to go in the park), so I wouldn't mind going back a second time. And also, I'm a huge kid at heart who's still into Disney. And I want a pair of Mickey Mouse ears straight outta Disneyland.

And there you have it, day 5 of the blog challenge! 

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 4

Day 4: Write about someone who inspires you.

Again, gonna make this one quick because my midterm is tomorrow and I am very, very not ready.

But the thing about today's prompt is that... I don't have a response. I mean, this doesn't mean that I'm never inspired, but it's just that there are so many people that I look up to, each with qualities that I admire, or achievements that I'd like to attain or match.

This might be a post I'll come back to once I think of a person who embodies everything I strive to become and achieve but for now, let's leave it at this: the person who inspires me is down-to-earth, humble, and hard-working. She is creative. She is kind. She's gone through rough times in life and has come back wiser and stronger, not bitter or contemptuous. She knows who she is; and she isn't afraid to be who she is.

And this is the person I want to become.

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 3

Day 3: What are your top three pet peeves?

As much as I'd like to do a full-out thoughtful post, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet because I am near-terrifyingly behind on studying for my midterm on Thursday...

1. flaky people: the people who tell you one thing, but don't follow through
2. flaky wifi: wifi that cuts in and out, like the wifi here in my residence
3. flaky pastries: because it makes eating them nicely and neatly a nightmare

Maybe I'll re-write this one some day because these aren't truly my top three pet peeves. Or are they? I mean, if they just came to mind right away, they have to be pretty high up on the list right?

Toodles!

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 2

Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.

Way back in the summer after my second year of undergrad, I volunteered at a hospital on weekends in the palliative care ward. I quite honestly didn't do a lot while I was there because we weren't given specific tasks, but one of the things we were told was to not let the patients out of the ward. Many of them were mentally handicapped or physically handicapped so they were not allowed to go out on their own, unless the nurses allowed.

There was a code to open the door from inside the ward, but people coming into the ward could just open the door and come in. This was problematic because patients would literally sit at the door and wait for it to open to make a run for it.

One day I was walking up and down the hallway and an old lady was at the door yanking on the handle to try to open it. I went up to her and politely told her that she couldn't open the door without the key code. 

"Can you tell me the code?"

"No, sorry, only the staff are allowed to know the code."

"Then can you open the door for me?"

I sighed and braced myself for a tantrum that I had seen thrown around by a couple of patients previously. "I'm sorry, I'd really like to but I'm not allowed to let you outside by yourself."

And, surprisingly enough, she just shrugged, turned around and let me lead her back to her room. Along the way, she turned to me and said, "You're very diplomatic."

"Oh really? What does that mean?"

"You know what to say to people and you're nice," was something along the lines of what she said. I went home and searched the definition of 'diplomatic' that afternoon but it never really stuck, so I had to look it up again today: "Having or showing an ability to deal with people in a sensitive and effective way."

I still remember this moment because it was positive affirmation for me and my interpersonal skills. I was really shy then, and still am; and sometimes, I sit back and wonder how on earth I'll be able to get along with patients the way the doctors I've shadowed are able to, or just, how I'll be able to get along with people in general - how to start conversations, how to effectively communicate, and most importantly, how to reject people (how to tell them 'no'). 

I'm sure the way I spoke to the old lady in the hospital won't be effective with everyone, but knowing that at least one person thinks I'm capable boosts my confidence. I won't be able to fully get the hang of being outgoing or sociable, but I'll find a way that works for me and everyone around me. 

November 2015 Blog Challenge Day 1

It's the first day of the month, so instead of studying for my next (and last!) midterm, I went searching for blog challenges. I've always wanted to do one, but never got around to creating my own prompts, which I'll try to do for another time; and I couldn't find one with prompts that I liked. The prompts I found came from this blog and they're pretty simple and not too tacky or cheesy, so I'm going with it. But I will also do my usual writing (my average of two posts per month, hah... I'm terrible) on top of it all. Wish me luck!

List 10 things that make you happy:

1. Good weather - sunshine, blue sky, and temperatures in the mid 20s. The kind of weather that makes being outside enjoyable without having to do anything else.
2. My piano. Well, not just my own, but any piano where I can sit down, clunk out and sing wail along to a few tunes to clear my mind of other things.
3. Good times with friends. Usually involving board games, dancing, goofiness and/or lots of laughs.
4. Dessert. Aaaaaaaalll the desserts. Every single sweet edible food item on this planet will probably make me happy.
5. When someone remembers something trivial about me - because most of the time, it's usually me who remembers stupid facts about someone, like how many siblings they have, or their favourite colour, or that time they did that thing the other people don't remember them doing (maybe you all should be creeped out by how much I remember about each of you because it's a bit unnatural to remember the haiku that some kid in your class wrote in grade 5); so when someone remembers my favourite colour or my favourite Pokemon or something (it's Kingdra, FYI), it makes me feel like they want to know me.
6. Reading. I especially like reading aloud, pretending to be the person reading (performing? presenting?) an audiobook. Oh yeah. I go all out with terrible accents and voices and everything.
7. Helping people. I like random acts of kindness done for me, but doing them from others and seeing how much they are grateful makes me happy. (It's a whole other story when they aren't grateful - like the time I offered an apple to a homeless man and he asked for money instead. That was awful). 
8. DIY projects... and successfully completed DIY projects, because, let's be honest, ending up on compilation of fails would kinda suck.
9. Making packing lists. And packing, in general. Not sure about this one. Probably because it implies plans are in the making.
10. Hugs. Meaningful hugs, random hugs, long hugs, quick hugs. Ironically, I'm not a hugger; I just like to be on the receiving end. P.S. To many friends reading this who have attempted to hug me in the past, yes, despite feigning disgust in direct contact, I do enjoy a good hug.

Woohoo! One day down, 29 more to go. I give you all permission to bug me if I miss a day. 

Happy November!